My autism and the struggle to mask



I always knew I was different.  Again, I thought I just had horrendously bad ADHD which I do.
But I'm also Autistic.  Growing up, I didn't know I had either.  My mom hid my ADHD diagnosis from everyone, and I am 99 present sure she ripped out my autism diagnosis as well.  School was hell.  I struggled to pay attention and make friends.  No matter what I did, I was made fun of.  I simply didn't know why I was different.

Last year I lost a job because of my autism.  A complaint came in that I didn't make eye contact with a customer. I told my boss I was on the spectrum, and about a week later I was getting fired. Unfortunately, I had only been with this company for a little over a month.  Therefore, legally, there was nothing I could do.  (In Pennsylvania we have a law that lets employers terminate you for any reason during your first 90 days.). 

Because of my lack of facial expression due to my autism and inattention due to ADHD, people ask me if I'm okay alot.  This is really annoying.  I really hate it when creepy old men tell me to smile.  I'm a happy person, but my autism causes me to be less animated than others.  I have to mentally remind myself to smile at every customer in my line.  It took me to probably last year to start smiling at strangers whether I accidentally make eye contact or not. 

 The hardest part of being a high functioning autistic person is never being able to go about the day without masking. Masking is exhausting.  Making eye contact and smiling at people for eight hours a day is a bunch of mentally exhausting masking.  Its needed and it doesn't get any easier.  

So refrain from asking someone with a blank facial expression if they are okay or not.
Don't tell someone to smile who isn't.
They might have autism and be struggling to get through the day.  




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